I never expected to cry in a billionaire’s arms. But seven days confronting my deepest fears at the Hoffman Process brought me to my knees, literally.

I went to the Hoffman Process unsure what I was getting myself into. All I knew is that I would be without my phone and laptop for seven days, and that everyone I had talked to about it said it was life-changing.

The pre-work made it clear that during the Process we would explore the ways in which our parents’ behaviors influenced us as children, and how those patterns now serve (or hurt) us as adults. This is something my dad and I have discussed at length, and so I was excited by the idea of exploring it more.

With that being said, I was entirely unsure what the curriculum was, who would be there, what the “ways of learning” would be, and what we would actually be doing for 14 hours a day (yes the program runs from ~7am to ~9pm daily).

Wide eyed and bushy tailed, I flew from Washington, DC to Las Vegas, NV a few days before I needed to arrive on Hoffman’s grounds in Petaluma, CA. My friend Peter had organized (and secured permits) to hike Mt. Whitney (the tallest peak in the lower 48). I needed to be at Hoffman in Petaluma on July 4th. Peter’s permits were for July 2nd. Perfect.

Before the Process: Climbing Mt. Whitney

Mt. Whitney stands at 14,505 feet above sea level. I live in Washington, DC (410 feet above sea level). We had our work cut out for us. Our group of four began the fifteen and half hour journey at 3am. Headlamps, trekking poles, and naive confidence – we were off.

Mt. Whitney Trail is beautiful. I found the hike to be incredibly peaceful and pleasant during the dark early morning hours. While my headlamp illuminated the path in front of me, I couldn’t see anything beyond that. The trail, with 6,100+ feet of elevation gain over 11 miles (22 miles roundtrip) was daunting to say the least. But, with no view of the mountain in front of us (or the ground we had covered behind us), I found the first 3 hours of pre-dawn hiking to be zen-like and peaceful. I was just putting one foot in front of the other, plodding along.

Earlier in 2025 I read The Power of Now by Eckert Tolle. This book was a foundational read for me, and I now see a clear connection between the joy I felt while hiking in the dark and my new way of being – living in the present. During the pitch black hours of the morning I was living in the moment, unbothered by what was in the past or future. All I could see was the present, and I loved it.

To get to the summit was a grind. The terrain (while still being a path) became less defined and more like a rock scramble as we went up. We used our trekking poles to navigate snow covered sections, and I was in awe when I saw multiple families with kids. “That’s awesome,” I exclaimed each time to the parents.

I’ll never forget the dad I saw with his seven year old daughter. They were wearing rock climbing helmets. “Why are you wearing those helmets?” I asked. “Her mother said we could do this only if we wore helmets.” The father replied. I smiled and kept trudging along.

At this point we all had migraines and one member of our crew was nauseous. In retrospect I am not sure how I didn’t get nauseous – I had eaten eight Uncrustables sandwiches and four poptarts, however my stomach held it together.

We summited at 11:20am, a little over eight hours after we started. I admired the couple who ran up the trail – a reminder that we all climb at our own pace.

The descent back was grueling. Physically it was less exertion than the ascent, however my altitude sickness worsened. As we descended I experienced hallucinations. At the time I felt safe because I was surrounded by the other three members of our crew, however when I sit here now (with full oxygen flowing through my blood stream!), I can’t help but think “wow that was a little reckless and scary!”

After Mt. Whitney I made my way to San Francisco and ultimately to Petaluma. While hiking Mt. Whitney was a great physical challenge, I knew the Hoffman Process would be a challenge in a different way.

About the Process

At Hoffman they believe that all humans are impacted by negative love syndrome. Negative love syndrome stems from shame we feel as children and the subsequent patterns we embody in our mind and emotional self in service of getting love from our parents. Hoffman believes this is part of the human condition and no one is immune from it.

Unlike our patterned intellect and emotional self, our spirit is our unpatterned version of ourselves – our true essence. To become more in touch with your spiritual self, the Process walks students through seven days of Awareness > Expression > Compassion and Forgiveness > New Ways of Being.

There’s a lot more depth and richness to the Process than I am sharing here. I encourage you to listen to their podcast to learn more. Anyone can benefit from the Process.

The most impactful moment from the Hoffman Process

For privacy, names mentioned in this section of the post have been altered.

Around 8:30pm on Wednesday, July 9th, our teachers asked us to count off to 19. Our Process group was 38 students. I was number 9, and the first 19 students were asked to form a circle (facing outward) in the middle of our classroom.

The rest of the group was asked to stand around the circle facing inward so that the inner and outer circles were about a foot apart and eye to eye.

Our teacher instructed us that the person on the inside of the circle was going to take 60 seconds to share appreciation with the person who was standing in front of them on the outside of the circle.

Mary was standing in front of me, and I was glowing. Her and I had hit it off earlier in the week, and I was elated to share my appreciations with her.

“Begin!” Our teacher announced.

I spent a minute staring into Mary’s warm and soft eyes sharing positive affirmations and gratitudes from the previous four days of getting to know each other.

A minute passed.

Our teacher spoke up, “Okay, now the outside circle, rotate two steps to the right.”

Now standing in front of me was Michael, the founder and CEO of a ~$100B company. A billionaire. Someone I had aspired to become for over a decade.

“Outside circle, now you will take 60 seconds to share appreciation for the person on the inside of the circle.”

I gulped.

Earlier in the day Michael had come up to me to share a transference with me. In Hoffman language, a “transference” is when you get emotionally triggered by someone and project something from your past onto them – usually unconsciously. We were asked to name those moments and share them directly, in a safe, structured way with other students.

In this exercise, each student was required to receive at least one transference and give at least one transference. Once a student received three transferences they could not receive another.

I received my three transferences within a few minutes of the exercise beginning. “Sorry, I’ve received three already, so I can’t get anymore right now,” was a common response I shared with my classmates for the remainder of the exercise as they came up to me.

I was surprised to receive so many transferences from my classmates. “Do these people not like me?” Was the question I asked myself in my head. My approval-seeking pattern flared up immediately.

The three transferences I received all sounded similar. I triggered people on the first day of the Process because others experienced me as being overly happy and outgoing. That triggered some people to fall into their patterns, and that was the point of the exercise – to bring awareness to our patterns and to have agency to choose whether we wanted to compulsively act on the pattern, or do something different.

Michael was one of the many people who had wanted to share his transference with me, however I was already tapped out, “Sorry Michael, I already received three.” I told him earlier in the day.

Back to the appreciation circle.

“Okay, 60 seconds of appreciation and gratitude. Begin!” The teacher called out.

“Zach, I know I wasn’t able to share my transference with you earlier, but what I was going to tell you is that when I first met you I was triggered because you seemed so happy and that’s all I’ve wanted,” he said.

It’s worth mentioning that no one knew who Michael was in our Hoffman group.

On the first day of the Process each student went to the front of the classroom and shared what challenge they were experiencing and what they wanted to change. I shared about how I wanted to love myself unconditionally and that I am “worth it.” Michael shared about how he was dealing with challenges being happy even though he had attained success – how it was “never enough.” That resonated with me. One of the patterns I was at Hoffman to address was never being good enough too.

20 minutes later I was in the bathroom washing my hands and Michael walked in. “Michael, I really appreciated what you shared earlier,” I said. He stopped. “Also, I recognize you, and I think it is really awesome that you are here.” He thanked me for the kind words and carried on to the bathroom.

My first boss and mentor, Greg Warner, exposed me to first-person goal setting when I was 17. I had just started working for Greg and he would bring me into his office to talk about my future and what I wanted to accomplish. He challenged me to write first-person narrative style goals. “It’s 2021, and I wake up at 6:15am in Manhattan, New York …” Greg believed that by writing goals down in this way I would improve my chances of accomplishing them.

I did this for the first time in 2014 and have repeated it annually ever since. In each version of my story (until 2025!) I had myself become a billionaire in the next five years. Not rich, not affluent, a billionaire. The goal was always billions.

Now, standing in front of Michael, a billionaire many times over, I felt a tear well up in my eye. 

“When I first met you, your happiness triggered me, because that’s all I have wanted.” he said.

I quivered. A single tear began to roll down my cheek. And then another. And then the hyperventilating started.

Eye to eye we stood, one foot away from each other.

I broke down. Emotionally overwhelmed. I fell forward and grabbed Michael for a hug. I needed his support.

“You’re everything I thought I wanted to be,” I said in his ear.

Since 2014 I had the goal of being “him,” and to hear Michael say that what he appreciated about me was how happy I appeared, and how he wanted to tap into that himself was overwhelming. I felt anguish and deep sadness at that moment. “Why am I chasing this ‘thing’ when I have all that I need to be happy inside of me?” I remember thinking to myself.

Michael hugged me, and the teacher announced “Okay, time to rotate. Outside circle, take two steps to your right.”

I did arrive at the Hoffman Process feeling happy and joyous. About a year earlier I went through a breakup with my serious partner, and the healing journey on the other side of that was painful and rewarding. I was finally, after almost a year of pain, in a happy place.

Now it’s been a few weeks since that moment at Hoffman, and the impact it has had on me feels lasting. I felt anguish and sadness when Michael shared his appreciation with me because I feared the loss of purpose in my life. For the past decade I was chasing the idea of becoming a billionaire, and I had sacrificed a lot up until that point in service of trying to get there.

Fortunately, in the wake of my breakup I began to let go of those material aspirations. “I just want to be happy and less anxious and love myself,” I remember saying to my dad in any one of our myriad daily phone calls. By the time I arrived at Hoffman, I was already reconnecting with my spiritual self. But that moment with Michael more meaningfully broke the bond with my dark side.

Since Hoffman, I have felt a weight off of my shoulders, a general lightness in my being and presence. I feel alive and with purpose tied to my spiritual self.

My connection to my spiritual self is strong. I know what my values are, and I know what my patterns are that hold me back. I am goofy, funny, playful, and on a quest to repair the world. My dark side holds me back by telling me that I am never good enough and that my worth is tied to my “success.” Well you know what, that’s absolutely and unequivocally false. I am good enough, whether that be how I look in the mirror when I see my body, or how I feel emotionally, or how I present myself intellectually. And my worth is not tied to anything external. My spiritual self is worthy as he is. I do not need billions. I have everything I need to be happy inside of me.

My Hoffman Process experience was fantastic, and the moment I shared with Michael reinforced for me the righteousness of the path I am currently on. That moment was the seal of approval to be free from my dark side. I said to Michael multiple times, “you’ve done a mitzvah by being here.” And I truly believe it.

I came to Hoffman hoping to love myself. I left knowing I already did.

The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect,

he becomes an adolescent;

the day he forgives them,

he becomes an adult;

the day he forgives himself,

he becomes wise.

– Alden Nowlan